Of Despair, and Hope…

It’s weird how you can see a weird karmic cycle in a single day.

You wake up in the morning, and find out that something ended before it ever began. And then minutes later, you see a smiling face that gives you hope.

You go through half the day in a daze and realize you were upset, but you didn’t even realize it. You start to go into a blue funk. And then minutes later, you watch hope try to crawl.

You spend the entire day texting, trying to help in your own way,  while wondering how you could make this better. And then minutes later, you see pictures of hope from exactly a year ago, before this ever happened.

I am holding onto these little bits of hope.

****

Dear A & N,

I can’t say anything to make this nightmare fade. I wish I could’ve made this right for you, the way you always did for me. I thought dancing was the hardest thing I’d ever do for you, but what a fool I was! I wish things were different, I wish you never had to go through anything like this ever, I wish, I wish, I wish…

I wish so many things, but mostly I wish you the strength you’ll need to get through this. Here’s sending you all the strength I’ve ever built up (I only ever learnt it from you, N), may it add to the immense strength you already have. 

Love always, me.

Dear You…

This one is to my person – I write best when I’m not at my happiest, & I just felt the need to write to you in this way…

Dear You,

We’ve ranted, we’ve judged, and we’ve just talked so damn much.

And yet, I feel like you still feel like all this is your fault, like you did something, or you wished something that should’ve been, away.

Dear You,

I know you may feel like I just say things because I’m your biggest cheerleader, but please know that I say them because I mean them, and I truly believe you’re awesomer than most.

Dear You,

I know everything and everybody around you, is dragging you down and making you feel like you did something wrong. You, most of all.

Dear You,

Believe me when I say, you are awesomer than most, in fact you are the awesomest I know, except one.

Dear You,

Things are hard now, but I believe they will be OK eventually. I believe in Karma, and that good things happen to good people, and you are one of them. And if Karma won’t comply, I will MAKE it comply.

Because, dear you,

You are MY person. And nobody messes with what’s mine. Not Karma, and not anyone else.

Dear You,

You’ll get what you want, even if you’re only 50% sure you’ll be good at it. It takes a village, they say, and we have that village (that “agraharam” like our ancestors said). It has B12, and FB friends, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

I know you wouldn’t either.

Dear You,

Continue to make fun of the trials. You’re at your best when you’re sarcastic, and some day we will add this to that little bit of awesomeness that is part-you.

I promise.

Dear You,

Just be the best you, that you are. That’s all you need to be.

<hugs>

Dear You,

We don’t say this much, but, hey, you’re my person, my village, my #1 on speed dial. You’re my village and I’m yours.

I ❤ you.

PS – Can we PUHLEASE work on that book already?

 

 

 

Hello, Mr. Pot

I’ve been known to do crazy things, thanks to my reading obsession. This ranges from reading in moving vehicles, to I know upside down in bed, to reading in dim lighting and even reading while walking. Reading while walking on the streets is not smart, and I only read while I’m waiting for the walk signal on a pavement. I do however cross with my book open (minimizing the time taken to re-open the book when needed), a fact that seems to really bother casual observers. 

This morning, I was waiting at a signal and reading* on the pavement as usual, when this guy decided to take it upon himself to give me some advice. “You know, it’s really not the best idea to be reading while you’re walking on the road”, he said. Now before I could say anything, the dude pulls out his phone and proceeds to walk away. He must have been in a tearing hurry – he jaywalked through TWO red signals on his way.

And he thinks my reading is dangerous. 

 

* for those interested, I’m currently reading JK Rowling’s ‘The Casual Vacancy’

Of Compromise…

A date shouldn’t matter. After all, it’s just a random number. It can be 1 out of 365 possibilities, and each one should be equal. And yet, somehow, it does matter. It matters because if it’s going to be one of those things that are commemorative, you want it to be special. Atleast, you want it to be special in your scheme of life. And it sucks when it isn’t, when it gets lumped together with something else and ruins both.

Just like dates, age shouldn’t matter either. After all, it is yet another random number, and just because people think there is a cut-off age for things doesn’t mean it’s true. And yet, it matters too. Even if it’s just by 1 day or 2 days, mentally, the difference between n-1, and n, as an age still seems like an entire year. A full, wasted year of possibilities.

I guess all of this is just mental. And you make your peace with it. Even if it means watching yourself make that compromise year after year after year.

Of thieves and kind gestures

Today, I saw a thief, and she walked away with MY package right in front of me. I had a really strong gut feeling that she was taking something that didn’t belong to her, and I suspected it was my package when I saw her, but I didn’t know how one could tell a stranger – “hey, is that package yours? I think you’re stealing my package”. Or something to that effect. So I shut up and let her walk by. And then I went home and discovered that she’d walked out with my stuff, right in front of me.

You know the weirdest part? She held the door open for me very politely, while I walked in with my heavy grocery bags. And in that instant, I kept trying to read the label on the box because every bone in my body was telling me it was mine. But then I felt like an ass for assuming that someone trying to help me, was actually a thief.

Totally weird.

Blowing off Steam…

Random things that directly impact my life, though they shouldn’t

  • FDI in e-commerce
  • B-school rankings, and priority ordering of the IIMs

Random things that aren’t considered, though they should be

  • My likes, preferences and right to choose

Apparently my life should be governed by things that are best judged from the pages of a business newspaper, and not by what I want.