So, yesterday I had someone tell me that I look really put-together and calm, and that he wanted tips from me on being that way. It was really funny to be told that because I am one of those truly mercurial souls, the kind that has been found yelling at telecallers at 9AM in a quiet office space. And yet for some reason I’ve morphed into one of those individuals who seems to look like she is all Zen. I had to tell him the truth – that this outward calm is just a result of my learning how to deal with the insanity that is life (and yes, I’ve had a lot of help with the learning process). I do have my meltdowns – I just don’t have them publicly anymore.
But then I started thinking of another conversation – with V, when we first became friends. He once asked me how I seemed to be happy always and I gave him a full spiel on satisfaction and generally loving my life (completely omitting the fact that I didn’t think anyone who didn’t truly know me deserved to know my business anyway). Much later he told me it wasn’t meant to be a compliment, but a comment on the fact that it was impossible for someone to be so happy on the outside, and that he’d meant there HAD to be strong ripples buried below. Which was true. It wasn’t long after that, that the walls came crumbling down and I hit my lowest point ever.
It’s taken me a long time to move from projecting that happy exterior to learning how to truly be peaceful (in my mind, the two are closely linked).And it’s quite a statement to my understanding of how one can control life, and elements in one’s life to get to that point if someone now tells me I am always ‘put together’. Thank you for the peace, V.